A Guide to writing Bad Poetry

Danger: The following article was written under controlled environment. Writer won't be responsible for any kind of organ failure.

There was this human called Ishan – Tall, well-built, silly walk and had a brain like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen (It didn’t exist). There was also a sister of his who once completed her 100m in the relay race just by doing Pink Panther hops. Eventually, they finished fourth in the race. Seems like an achievement? You may be wrong for only four had participated. 

This Ishan always used to think that he could write poems and lots of them, a problem too common these days. Breaking all definitions given my Wordsworth, he would sit and think of topics for his poems. The main objective of his poem would be to rhyme the second line with the first one and not the very essence of the poem if at all something like that existed in his poems. The second line would at any cost rhyme with the first line, even though no meaning was conveyed. 

Here is a short guide to writing Ishanian Poems:- 

1. Write the first line that comes to your mind. This will form the first line of your poem. Make it as poetic as possible.

                                                “As the lion met the fox” 

2. Make a sentence that rhymes with fox. Keep in mind that it should be the first line striking your mind.

                                                “I was wearing a pair of socks” 

3. Continue in the same way….

                                                “I suddenly remember Goldilocks

                                                 And my friend got Chicken-Pox” 

4. If you have completed your first four lines, CONGRATULATIONS. Write four more stanzas in a similar manner, and you have completed your first Ishan Poem.

 

Ishanian poetry is also highly characterized by the excessive use of words ending with –tion

                          Eg->                 “To build a beautiful nation,

                                                  The boy had a queer notion

                                                  1 + 1 is of course addition

                                                  9 – 9 is subtraction.”

 

Somehow, after a hard fight, the Ed. Board members forced the Chief Editor of Praire to somehow publish one of Ishan’s poems. We published it the next issue and he received a innumerable mails the next day, some of which we explain here. 

1. First one was from X(name made a variable) who said his brain had a collision with his gall bladder after reading Ishan’s poem and he demanded 5 Lakh (INR) compensation . CE replied saying that he would mail him Ishan’s best poem. We received no more mail from him. 

2. Another was from Y(name made another variable so that it doesn’t match with the first) who said that his heart started moving and it was in his larynx when he reached the last few stanzas of Ishan’s poem. He had to gobble his computer speakers to push it down to its original position. 

Apart from such cases he didn’t receive anything. At last, after some threatening mails from the good old readers, the CE had to ban the publishing of Ishanian poems. He explained his decision as one for “PUBLIC WELFARE” and “HUMAN GOOD”. 

To end with, here is a safe Ishanian poem…

                              “Once my friend had a foe

                                Our teacher said,”Ah, you go

                                The European river is called Po

                                Ha Ha he he hey hey Ho!”      

Ishan highly infuriated by this act, published all her poems on a blog like website called think.com saying, “Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot, Take thou what course thou wilt.” 

BEWARE  !!!